​

(with apologies to Dr. Seuss…)

 

Congratulations!

Tonight is your night.

You're off to Great Passion!

Your snatch is so tight!

You have brains in your head.

You have tits in your blouse

You can please yourself

In any part of your house.

You're on your own. And you know to have fun.

And YOU are the gal who'll decide when to cum.

You'll cross and uncross your legs.

Spread them wide with great care.

And some times you will say,

"I don't choose to have hair."

With your head full of brains

and your blouse full of tits,

You're too horny to fuck

any seeming misfits.

And you may find so many

Who’ll want to go down.

In that case, of course,

You can just go to town.

You can feel the rise

From inside of your thighs.

Down there things can happen

and frequently do

to people as brainy

and titsy as you.

And when things start to happen,

don't worry. Don't stew.

Just go right along.

You'll start happening too.

OH!

THE PLACES YOU'LL CUM!

You'll be on your way up!

You'll be hitting great hits!

You'll join the high screamers

who finger wet clits.

With your pert behind,

from which comes the need,

You'll tempt the whole gang

and you'll soon take the lead.

Whenever you fuck, you'll be the best of the best.

Whoever you do, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't

Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say it

but, sadly, it's so

but Fucking

won't always

result in an O.

You can get a quickie

from a prick that's too quick

And your bang will move on.

You'll be left with no Dick.

You'll unwind from the Dick

Still feeling forlorn.

And the chances are, then,

that you'll feel in the Horn.

And when you're in a Horn,

you're not in for much fun.

Un-horning yourself

is not easily done.

You will come to a place

where the twats are not shaved.

Some boys will be horny.

They may not behave.

A place you could pinch

both your nipple and skin!

Do you dare button up?

Do you dare to strip down?

How wet can you be?

How high can you sound?

And IF you strip down,

should you lay down or up...

or up-and-three-quarters?

Like a spoon with a cup?

Or go around back

and take it from behind?

Simple it's not,

I'm afraid you will find,

for a horny thigh-spreader

to make up her mind.

You can get so aroused

that you'll start in to race

with long wiggled butts

at a break-necking pace

and grind on against bodies

in weirdish wild space,

headed, I hope,

toward a most godly place.

The Fucking Place...

...for people just fucking.

Fucking on a stationed train

or a Greyhound bus, or a flying plane

or a cheap motel, or in driving rain

or in mansions fine, or in snow-filled plains

or fucking around in a field of grain

or fucking ‘til they’ve no more brains.

Everyone is just fucking.

Fucking in a fishing boat

or fucking in a Jewish sukkoth

or fucking around without raincoats

or fucking, perhaps, with their Uncle Jake

or a drunken catch, or in Swany Lake

or a string of dates, or a pair of twins

or a pay-per-lay, or with Wicked Grins.

Everyone is just fucking.

YES!

That's so for you!

Often you'll orgasm

from that fucking and humping.

You'll sense the bright places

where Boom Bands are jumping.

With pussy lip-licking,

Your banners unfurled!

Ready for anything around the world.

Ready because you're that kind of a girl!

Oh, the places you'll cum!

There are thighs to be spread!

There are tits to be pinched.

There are people to bed.

And the magical things

you can do with that ball

will make you the humping-est

humper of all.

Fame! You'll be famous

as famous can be,

with the whole wide world watching

you fuck on TV.

Except when you don't.

Because, sometimes, you won't.

I am pleased that some times

you'll play kinky games, true.

Games that involve

Whips, chains, and handcuffs, too.

Or Alone!

Whether you like it or not,

Solo sex is something

you'll have quite a lot.

And when you're alone,

there's a very good chance

you'll use things that make you

cream right in your pants.

There are some, like Hitachis,

between this leg and that,

that can please you so much

you'll forget where you're at.

But on you will cum

though the weather be foul

On you will cum

though your stomach might growl

On you will cum

though the Horny-Korns howl

Onward up many

a fast moving creek,

though your arms may get sore

and your boobies may leak.

On and on you will hump

and I know you'll hump far

and face up to your lovers

whoever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,

as you already know.

You'll get mixed up

with many strange cocks as you go.

So be sure when you spread.

Spread with care and great lust

and remember that Sex

Involves pushing and thrusts.

Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.

And never mix up your right tit with your left.

And will you succeed?

Yes! You will, indeed!

(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

Girl, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...

be your name Buxom or Fucksby or Lay

or Imogene Allie Van Allen O'Shea,

you're off to Great Places!

Today is your day!

Your mountin' is waiting.

So...get on your lay!